I’ve been feeling the weight of Motherhood a lot lately. Not because my own journey is particularly trying at this very moment- I am blessed my “baby” is now 15 going on 16 and now quite self-sufficient, responsible, and all-around awesomesauce. But I work so closely with so many mothers still, especially as a Doula and Birth and Motherhood Photographer, and supporting these new mothers in their earliest part of their journey takes me right back.
I remember to well the struggle was real, hugely difficult for me when my son was a newborn. I had no true village. I had no family nearby. I was winging everything, whilst going through Post Partum Anxiety (never diagnosed at the time despite my best efforts, just told it was “normal baby blues”, and it most certainly was not) with a very trying neurodivergent baby that showed me that from day one. Although at that time they just called it “colic”. So naturally, now when I see a mother struggling, or not even struggling, just reaching out, asking a question, whatever the need, I want to help. I love to help, it heals a little part of me every time I can do anything to help even in a teeny tiny way.
I am feeling a… collective hurt, I think. I feel what is happening to women, to mothers in particular, and it just sets me off. Not only are we further than ever from “having a village”, as now, some women are pitted against each other for different ideologies, but we are subject to the insistence by some conservative men that women are only good for “baby making machines, it doesn’t take much to do, it’s just biological”. It makes my blood boil. I saw that spoken by a man, in a video, and I can’t unsee it. Handmaids Tale much?
We literally grow a tiny human from scratch, from a single cell, sustain and nourish them for roughly 40 weeks, all the while navigating the changes our own bodies are going through in order to make that happen. All while still living/working/running a business/keeping house/taking care of those around us. Then after baby is born, we don’t get an instruction manual. We have to figure out what works for our specific baby, and our family. There is zero to little support from our jobs, we are lucky if we get unpaid maternity leave for 12 weeks. We nourish our babies as best as we can, try to raise and parent them with the tools and resources we have available, all while struggling to take care of ourselves. We take care of the home, the groceries, the appointments, the school forms needed, the pets, the messes, the meal planning…the list never ends! Yet we are often told that is not enough, that isn’t anything important.
Unfortunately, the post-partum period is often a blur of coffee, spit up, dirty laundry, and navigating crazy hormones. We seldom take a moment to enjoy the phase. To be with our babies. To hold them and stare at them and wonder what they will be when they grow up. To fully process the journey itself that helped us become a Mother, because Lord knows that the reality of the journey is NOTHING like we thought it would be like! And that takes time to process and work through and learn from.
How often are we in photos with our babies???? I know with our smart phones, we have a zillion photos in the cloud of our babies and kids…..but where are we with them? Usually non-existent at worst, or in a selfie shot at a horrible angle where you can see up our nose at best.
How often do we truly nourish our bodies and souls during the immediate post-partum period? How often do we slow down and intentionally get present? How does that impact our nervous system, and our baby’s nervous system? All great questions to ponder. The answer is usually “With what time would I do that? I am already stretched so thin and can barely sneak in a shower every few days!”.
Mothers are the true, living Superheroes. Period. Not only Mothers, but WOMEN in general. Because even if we don’t “bear fruit” ourselves, we often care take, mentor, guide, support others in some way throughout our lives. Often, as the “supporting actor” for men, so that they can rise.
I’m seriously not trying to man bash, this isn’t about that. I have a wonderful husband who does more than his share of the housework, in that I’m truly blessed, and there are many wonderful men out there who appreciate us and are also speaking up about the disparities and current state of affairs. But as I delve deeper into this issue, I realize how much The Patriarchy has molded our beliefs (both men and women), even without realizing it, and what that looks like now for those of us living in these end times.
This is about feeling the collective weight of allllll the women who are struggling right now, this very second. I see you, I feel you, I wish I could hold you, with the same gentleness and love you hold your baby with.
I don’t have any great answers, just lots of feelings and ponderings. But what I do feel strongly about is how important it is to have those around you that remind you WHAT A BAD ASS YOU ARE, every day, as you are doing all the things. And if no one is telling you that? Call me. You have my number. I will remind you. No joke.
Surround yourself with some photos OF YOU, AS YOU ARE NOW, so you can look back on them later and see how far you’ve come. So you can fully appreciate your body and how it has stretched and morphed and shifted to accommodate your development. So you can see that you are here, showing up, every day, doing the things, and that is very important stuff!
Better yet, let me take you by the hand and guide you through an experience like this one pictured here. It’s waaaaay more than a photo session (or so my clients tell me). It is a healing session~ a moment for you to be held, admired, uplifted, showered blessings upon. For you to just BE. By yourself. Or with your babies. Just slowing down and taking a beat and allowing yourself to receive.
Because I promise you, you’ll blink and your baby will be 15 and starting high school, learning how to drive, and finally eating more than just chicken nuggets. Maybe. (#tendersarethenewnuggets) And you’ll forget A LOT of the journey. So please, if you are interested in honoring this phase you are in now, please reach out. I promise we will find a way to make it happen, if it’s truly something you want. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, I won’t bite, I promise! A Motherhood Session might be just what you need to help bring you some joy, and provide you with beautiful artwork you can look at when you need a lift.
Until then, keep fighting the good fight.
Under His eye.
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